Happy Birthday to me!

So... the big day is here and soon it will be gone. I turned 30. I don't know why we make this out to be such a big deal in life, or maybe I should say that I don't know why I made it such a big deal. Like I accomplished something by living 10 more years?? On the other hand, knowing that the big 30 was coming up it caused me to do a lot of reflection on my life, and beyond just reflecting, I would like to think that I started to make progress. Let me explain...

Exactly 6 months ago today I had a sort of break through in my life. As I realized my 20's were almost over I began to reflect on who I was and who I wanted to be. What was holding me back? What would propel me forward? These weren't the easiest questions to ask or answer, after all when is honest self reflection ever easy. Don't get me wrong - I do belive I was doing pretty well by most people's standards, (I am not going for pitty by saying all of this) I also believe that life is about always leaning and growing and becoming more than we already are. There were things in my life that I had never truly dealt with. (Some hard divorces and some serious abandenment issues to start) I tend to be the type to shove everything under the rug and not deal with emotions that are hard - I would much rather just have fun!! So, I decided it was time for some spring cleaning of my past. I was determined to enter into my 30's a stronger person, more self assured, and more confident in who I was. It has been a journey to say the least. Painful, heart renching, enlightening, comforting....I could go on and on. With out boring you will all the details of my therapy, (ok...so they aren't boring at all - I am just not willing to put it all out here!!) my point in all of this is that I do feel like I have accomplished something more than simply "living" through my 20's. While I still have work to do, I have healed, I have found closure in so many areas in my life. This has allowed me to be a better mom and a better wife to the 4 people who mean more to me than life itself. It is so cliche to say that we would "walk through fire" or "Face fire breathing Dragons" for our family or those we love. It was in my 20's that I realized that my fire and my Dragons were within myself, as I believe most everyone's are. I am happy with the progress I have made, happy with the person I have become and that is all I can ask for, all I really wanted on my 30th birthday. So, on this birthday I can truly say "Happy" Birthday to me.